Read the previous post first...
Day 5 brought with it a change in weather... it got really cold and cloudy ... it rained. I practice in the hall for most of the day and observed the sensations, no miraculous experience, my mind was wondering.I asked the teacher that evening and all she said was observe the change. My ego thought okay i get it, change, i now know it all but I began to wonder how this now applies to life and asked but the answer was again to just observe. The night became very cold and the next morning there was a layer of ice on the lake and the puddles. It remained hazy all morning and I continued to practice, unaffected by this change. My sits varied from calm and quiet to chatter and chaos and everything in between. I think i must have created the next 10 years of my life a million times in vivid details... trips, work, weddings, dogs, kids, houses, hikes, people, arguments, agreements sometimes the make believe story even warranted an emotional response of grief and a nice cry... for something that DIDNT even happen!!! (love thy mind) At 4:45pm I walked out of the meditation hall and noticed the clouds had passed and left behind a crisp clear sky and a beautiful sunset that I admired from a look out. As the sunset colors lingered behind and a bed of clouds bathed over them. I walked away pleased with "change", I turned the corner and began walking and pondering and happen glance up at the mountains which stopped me in my tracks...just a few hours ago there was complete chaos with rain and wind, the mountains were covered with greyness and now in the clear skies they are revealed decorated with white snow and gleaming in the remaining sunlight. It was breathless and truly made me smile within and without.
Nature is constantly changing, leaves are falling and growing and when this happen one tree does not cry for the other... because in a few months new leaves will come... Nature accepts change and moves forward. I made it through day 6, the second hardest day, the day that you are deep in the operation. 4 more days to go. I thought for sure the remaining days would be a breeze and the experience can only get better but by day 8 I was ready to leave... I wanted to go home and be back in my warm bed on my warm couch and with my warm talking friends. My mind was all over the place and so was my breath. In some sits i actually took refuge in my wandering adventures to let the time pass. This was noticed by my body and it responded with gross painful sensations, I had no choice but to work through them. The hour sits seemed much longer and the breaks much shorter. I was also catching a cold and breathing wasn't the easiest thing to do at the moment. I couldnt manage to get up 4:30 so I slept until 5:30 and walking out to the meditation hall my ears were greeted by some form of chanting that was coming from the mountains, it was pleasant and powerful could have been from the indian reservations. For the first time I tried figuring out what the date was and what day it was and I came to the conclusion that it was Christmas day. Somehow I managed to carry on and get to day 9 which still came with its own challenges but I knew it was only more day. I was feeling a bit of anxiety about going home and talking again or facing reality or putting this technique to the test and again i would come back to the reality that is, which was that it is only day 9 and I still have to work.
There were signs posted about the timetable for day 10, noble silence will end at 10:30 am and we will continue to meditate all day and we do not get to leave until the next morning. I asked for clarification...so we dont leave on day 10? Correct. Oh boy, 2 more days and we have to talk on day 10. I had decided I would maintain silence and thought everyone else would and plus what am i going to say? By Day 9 evening my meditations were becoming more pleasant and the echinecea tea I had been gulping down was working its magic, my cold was fading.
Day 10 arrives and at 10:30 after recieving our final meditation, metta - loving kindness for all, we are directed to the display area where everyone will gather. I walk out of the hall and there is change... the dense energetic air around me is now diluted with .... noise! People are talking and laughing... i walk to the hall and maintained my silence, looked at some books and someone asks me how the course went. I look up and felt my mouth open and finally some words came out... it was a strange sensation to talk and to hear my own voice again... my talk was slow and calm and within minutes the excitement kicked in and i was chattering away! Everyone was sharing their experience, their reasons for coming, their annoyances, their life, drama, and seeked advice and comfort in their fellow meditators.
Funny enough it might have been the most honest and truthful advice and this time when I said "let it go" and "things will change" I felt it.
It was an intense experience resulting in power and peace and as we all close out 2009 and bring change and transformation into a new decade, lets do so with love and compassion.
metta love
for more information on vipassana visit www.dhamma.org
