Note: Please read the post before this first.
Like this, each day continued. And with each day the words of the first became more and more apparent. Spending 10 days in one place walking along the same paths and following the same time table I noticed the change around me. I made it through the second day and my mind began to cooperate more but we were told an important advice "do not compare one experience to another, one sit to another, one sensation to another because change is always there and it is impossible to have the exact same experience." One sit my mind was completely focused and alert, I walked out thinking I conquered the depth of me and I am now in control of my mind... and hour later I walk out of another sit wondering what just happened and how my mind got reenergized to conquer me. Like this I learned to just experience. The whole purpose of this meditation is to simply experience the sensations within the body and NOT react to the sensations because just like all things it too will change...rise and fall. It is our reactions in the form of like and dislike that intensify the sensations and takes us off balance and thereby letting the wild elephant out. Even as I write this I nod in how intellectually true this concept is but practically challenging. However the only way to merge the gap is by experience. When you are sitting in meditation and your leg is falling dead asleep and now screaming out in the form of excruciating pain, the gap between intellect and practical seems worlds apart and the only thing you want to do is move into another posture, that is why the Bhudda is who he is, he remained equanimous and simply observed the change that took place. In practicality this reminds me of a book I perused a month back, it is called Peaks and Valleys, and it proposes this concept that when you are at a peak you will eventually hit a valley and vice versa but in either place if you get disturbed by it then you will remain there longer. The point is that change happens and it is inevitable, this is true, but how we respond and react to the change is where we can make effort. Our minds are conditioned to react whether in anger or in passion or in conditional love or derire or grief... whatever it is. How about taking a step back to simply "Act". True you are angered because of some external factor however this sensation of anger can only last so long and in another moment or two you wil be in joy because of some other external factor... why even hop on the roller coaster.I had learned this concept of acting with love and compassion and not reacting a few years ago when I was in India and it made complete sense.
I was slightly confused about the practicality of this during the course because I do not view myself as a vegetable and had to seek clarification from the teacher. The response was to remain eqanimous but not unexpressive and unemotional. Express but with right intent not blindly... know what you are doing. Who wants to act blindly and ignorantly... yet we do it all the time, to ourselves and to others. Change... its a hard thing to face but its all around us and we accept it. Everyday the weather changed and even in the midst of learning to remain equanimous I knew I had some reaction even if not on the surface but definitely in sensation. When night fell on Day 1 it revealed a blanket of stars, since there was no moon the stars were bright and vast, walking out of the hall at 9pm I was stopped in my tracks and just admired how amazing this sky was. Day 2 was cloudy and cold, I had no reaction because I expected it to be cold. But day 3 brought with it sunshine and a crystal clear blue sky, it was a beautiful and I felt like I could stay in this place forever. I was enjoying the meditations and my experience, and my walks around the lake and the paths, my thoughts even were beginning to shift from the mundane events in my life to profound wisdom of nature and the universe and peace... i was for sure on my way to becoming a zen master.
Day 4, after 3 days of simply observing the nose we were ready to recieve the Vipassana technique... apparently the previous days were prep work. With a more quiet and sharp mind we were now told to observe the sensations in the entire body by examining it part by part. I sat there and observed every itch, tickle, feeling of bugs crawling on me, pain, agitation, throbbing, pusling, everything and it was miserable. I sat there and tried my hardest not to move and not to cringe, I felt myself breaking a sweat from enduring this and just kept hearing Goenkaji say "change, anicha, change" ... in my mind i thought where is the change.... and slowly as time went on change did come... the gross sensations lost their energy and began to drift away and subtle vibration remained... they were no longer unbearable... the chant comes on to finish up the meditation and along with that a release of tears... i heard them all around me and wondered why is everyone crying and then coming back to my own body felt the tears on my own body... the chant ends and I am in disbelief and utter confusion of what i just experienced... it was change for sure... but it was powerful! I walked out of the room and there was silence in my mind.
For more information on Vipassana visit: www.dhamma.org
MettaLove
